Yesterday, I went to Cache Creek Casino Resort to go and see the Chelsea Lately Comedians on Stage.
This, of course, translates to LONI LOVE!!! I wouldn't have gone otherwise. I'm not lying.
So, my papa drives me to Morgan Hill, where Sarah picks me up. We drive on over to Brooks. Along the way we stop in a town called Danville for Coldstone (most Coldstone ice cream stores in the area have closed!).
Danville is EASILY one of the most beautiful places in California I have EVER EVER seen. I love it. I love it so much.
Along the way we have to take a strange detour (actually not a detour, because it's the way to get there!), where we pass by a labor camp housing place, it's extremely depressing.
We look for parking once we get there and we find none. Sarah doesn't know if we should valet park, and I look forward and go... "IS THAT CHUY?!?!" and it was, so we went up. I scrambled to get my camera so I could get a picture of/with Loni, but she was gone by the time I went in. Sad.
We run around, hang at the buffet (we was waiting for Loni! AND SHE DID NOT COME!), and then we go to the show. While we are waiting for the show some random white guy who SERIOUSLY looks like he could slit someone's throat and is probably a bit imbalanced in the head ends up talking to us for twenty minutes. SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.
Eventually, the show starts and Chuy starts it off. He's not funny. Not at all. I was extremely disappointed in that aspect.
Chris Frangola goes on next. He's some weird cross between Ted McGuinley, the guy who plays Officer Lamb in Veronica Mars, and he has a smile that would ALMOST make him a perfect Joker. The funniest thing that he says is that young people, like 23 year old Courtney, don't know what it's like to screw in the back of the station wagon while listening to Journey. They don't even have REAL JOURNEY! THEY HAVE FILIPINO JOURNEY! God, that was good.
Josh Wolf was behind me during this period, too. Very surreal.
He's up next. He's not nearly as appealing as polls would make him out to be in person. Whatever the camera does for that man is his friend. He's also apparently got a kid. He screwed some girl young, knocked her up and has a son. Basically Gilmore-esque. He's pretty decent, too. Nothing amazing. His funniest bit was about kids and trick or treating and how they're content to go for like an hour with some little pumpkin bin instead of a god damned pillow case like you're SUPPOSED to.
Then, LONI LOVE COMES!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Me and Sarah stand, and a few other people follow, but it should be pointed out that I STOOD FOR MY GIRL FIRST!!!!
Loni is perfection. She talks about how food is good. Bacon is great. Jesus was black (I be he = ebonics!) Noah was my people (ain't nobody but a Mexican who can fit THAT MANY ANIMALS in an ark!), talking about loving yourself for who you are and that stupid skinny people should stop asking fatties dumb questions. YES WE ARE GOING TO EAT ALL OF THAT FOOD, ASSHOLE!
There's a meet and greet after, so we get in line. I wanted to get an autograph for myself, girltype and our friend Andre, but NOBODY ASKED FOR AUTOGRAPHS and I wasn't about to be the first one.
The host basically told Loni that I lost my shit for her (valid claim, it was), and then I hugged Loni Love and told her I loved her and she said 'thank you baby!' Sarah and I took a picture with the group and went on our merry way.
It was such a wonderful time. So glad I went. LONI I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Now it's easter, I'm alone for a few more hours, very tired, and I want to sleep.