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X3 Review!

Obviously, there will be some spoilers. I will try and be as vague as possible and not go into detail, but, by touching the cut, you open yourself up to whatever it is that I have inside.



Easily the shittiest movie I've seen all year. Granted, it's the only movie I've seen all year, which means that it is also the best movie I've seen all year, but I would not call that thing the best anything, it was crap. Honestly, it was horrible. Some people might blame the new director, but I do not. I don't really see how Brett Ratner could have done anything special with what he was given. I blame the writers. Actually, if Ratner could have found a way to make the movie about thirty minutes longer (like it should have been, the fucking thing barely clocked in at 1:45, with trailers) using his directoral powers, then I do blame him. But, I don't really see how he could do that, so I blame the horrible script writers. It really was that bad, people. I'm not lying. Okay, I kind of am, but to people like me who understand the importance of characters whose names do not equate to Wolverine, it really was crap. And herein lies the biggest problem with the whole movie:

THEY TAINTED THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA!!! COMPLETELY GUTTED THE FUCKING THING AND RUINED IT ALL!!!!

Yes, it needed to get let out that way, because it is true. Why is it true? Because Scott, one great part of the equation that made the original story so damned good, is completely missing after the first... oh, I don't know, 15 minutes or so. Anna Paquin's Rogue had about the same amount of screen time, including, much like Scott, being skipped out on one presumably pivotal moment that should have been shown, but wasn't. Daniel Cudmore's Colossus has scant few lines, which makes me believe that he really can't act and they just cast him because he fit the bill. Not many people can make Piotr work, he can, so long as he doesn't talk. And whoever the hell it was that played Arclight (she's a model, but she's ugly as all hell) continues the practice of female mutants being silent, though she gets no lines at all, as opposed to the one line that Mystique had in X1, and the one line that Deathstrike had in X2. Still, it was a nice nod to the old ways, which I personally appreciated.

The writing may have been in the shits, but the acting really was decent by all the core members of the cast. Halle Berry may still continue to suck all kinds of ass, but she gave the best Storm that she's given. Not that it's hard to improve on past performances, but I found her to be much less intolerable, though I still enjoyed watching her get her ass beat. 'This is for Catwoman! This is for Swordfish!' Fun times. Hugh Jackman gives me a Wolverine that I almost feel bad about hating. I respect movie Logan... kind of. I find him to be the most enjoyable of all Logan's, but he is still Logan, so I must hate. Grammer wasn't nearly as bad as I thought he could be as Beast, but he certainly wasn't all that important. The new Kitty was meh. Not great. Not horrible. The Juggernaut... was horrible. So bad. Shawn Ashmore continues to please me greatly. And so on and so forth. From an acting standpoint, the people who had a lot of screen time did good with what they had, for the most part. Didn't help that they were given shitty lines, but we make do with what we got.

The special effects... a lot of them were really good. Honestly, they were. But the big ones that were supposed to be really cool were actually not all that great. Examples include Beast fighting in the great battle. Other people liked it, I thought it looked like pure crap. Angel's wings also suffered the same opinion, and Bobby's ice form, which should have been so much cooler than it was, turned into nothing more than the poor man's Colossus. It was sad, I wanted so much to love that. Plus, he didn't do ice slides... I thought he was supposed to do that.

There are things that the continuity whore in me cannot, CANNOT excuse... and they are as follows:
Psylocke does not have the power to appear like a chameleon. There were no shadows, which meant her crimson dawn power rules do not apply. Speaking of Psylocke, she was not the UBER-HOTNESS that she should be. And I think her hair was more blue than purple.
Colossus is not super strong in human form. He cannot lift a tv under one arm without being all metaled up. Yes, he's a big russian boy, but still.
Leech is supposed to be grotesque looking. Instead, he was just some shave headed cancer looking kid. And, his name isn't Jimmy!
Callisto does not have the power to sense other mutants, and Psylocke, traditionally, would be at least a level 3 or 4 mutant based on her powers!
Trask is not African-American. This one I can kind of let slide, because it was never firmly stated that it was Bolivar Trask, so it could have been ANOTHER Trask. Add in the fact that the Sentinals were't even around (well, we see them for all of a second), and it helps that theory.
Juggernaut is not an Irishman. No connection at all was made between the professor and Juggs, this made me sad.
Bobby/Kitty and Bobby/Rogue do not exist in 616... Ultimate, yes. I'm on the fence.

So, people might think that I really didn't have anything about the movie that I liked. This is not true... in fact, if people are not as big of fanboys as I am, they might probably enjoy it a lot more. Still, there were good things, like:
Wolverine getting owned about 5 times, either verbally or physically. He really didn't have that big of a part. I mean, he was still there, and he ruined the greatest thing ever, but on the whole he wasn't predominately focused upon. This is always a good thing.
Storm also getting owned by Callisto. Wonderful moments.
Scott's shining 'fuck off, Logan' moment. Those who have seen the 7 minute preview know what I'm talking about. It's damned good for people like me.
Bobby's character as a whole was probably one of the most developed. Of all the 'junior' X-Men, you really see him grow up the most and show something that comic book Bobby never had: Drive. If Storm is to be considered the leader of the next generation following Xavier, then Bobby is to be considered the leader of the generation after Storm. Is it a little unchararcteristic of Bobby's character? Perhaps... but I love it anyway.
The special effects that didn't suck were really good. Honestly, they were.
Two words: SUMMERS ANGST! Only the best.

I went with girltype and her sisters and one of her sisters boyfriend, and we sat in the very back row... all was fine but there was this fucking stupid fangirl whore in front of us who was just like screaming underneath her breath whenever anything happened. Like, she was clap whenever Bobby and Kitty were near each other and all this other crap. She is known as the OTP whore, and she needs to be shot.

So, if I was forced to give the movie a letter grade, I would give it a C-. Passable. A number grade out of ten and it is a 4, which is still somewhat passible. A little below average. Again, I was saddened by what I saw. It could have been a lot better, but they dropped the ball.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
reservoir
May. 26th, 2006 01:30 pm (UTC)
Is it worth going to see in the theater? I've read a number of people's reviews already, and I'm vaguely upset.
setsuna16
May. 26th, 2006 01:34 pm (UTC)
I would suggest seeing it in theater once... you know, to see it on the big screen. Go in with LOW LOW LOW LOW expectations, and you might actually like it. It really wasn't a bad movie, just not all that great.

Unless you like Logan, then you might be fine.
reservoir
May. 26th, 2006 01:36 pm (UTC)
I do actually like Logan a lot - especially movie!Logan. The problem is that I got all happy when I heard Psylocke was going to be in it. I was going to go see it today by myself, since all of my friends are out of town, but now I think I can wait until next week and see it with them.
chickmagnet6
May. 26th, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC)
Man as soon as I walked out of the movie theatre, I knew there was going to be a long post from set about how awful it was. I agree with all of your statements. The ending was the absolute worst, I had tolerated the entire movie up until that point.

Near the end of the movie they actually do say that trasks first name is Boliver.

Who the hell was psylocke? I couldn't even tell.

Supposedly Jubilee was in the movie, I can only guess that it was the student in prof x's class who wrote down her notes without actually writing.

I actually liked Kelsey Grammars part, I think he did a good job, compared to the rest of the cast. Hugh Jackman almost made me like Wolverine, he did a good job as well.

I think they tried to cram far too many story lines into this movie, when they could have easily made a movie or two out of it. :P
doc_krashenbern
May. 26th, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
i'm surprised you didn't mention the end scene after the credits, and how it completley goes against one of the good moments from earlier in the film.
(no subject) - telegmo - May. 29th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC) - Expand
setsuna16
May. 29th, 2006 11:54 am (UTC)
As it said
I didn't want to be all that spoilerish... so, if I mentioned Jean, then the floodgates would have burst and it would have ruined big parts of the movie for people who hadn't yet seen it. And, let's face it, Jean did the big things, the things that shouldn't be spoiled.

As for Bobby... in a way, in almost (almost) makes sense. Comic Bobby's been a member of any superhero team for god only knows how long, right? Even when he wasn't an X-(suffix), he was a Champion or a Defender and could have been an Avenger, so it gives hold to the idea that he enjoys, at least in part, being a super hero. It's a stretch, but not as big of a stretch as some other things.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )