October 10th, 2003

Pluto close up

Them Damned Texans

I’d never met most of my family that lives in Texas. In fact, I’d only met a handful of the people who did in my lifetime. So, when the chance came for me to fly out to Texas with my Nina and Nana I took it, thinking that I would start to forge relationships with family members for the first time. It was a nice theory, but after the trip ended, it was obviously just that, a theory…

The main reason for our journey to the “great state” of Texas was to celebrate the 50th Anniversary of my Great Aunt and Uncle. It would also be my first time venturing into two states, Arizona and Texas. I can safely report that Phoenix has one of the best airports I’ve ever been to, but it is a small number so there wasn’t much competition.

One thing was quickly made apparent only scant few moments after I met the bunch that I would eternally be tied to by blood: I don’t like the Texan folk very much. No one attempted to talk to me for the most part. The only interaction I got throughout the whole night was with my Aunt Martha, who I had met before, and my Uncle Pepe, who was so drunk that mid-way through the party he was saying how he would “eliminate his in-laws…” Obviously, the bonding was thick in the air.

I was also asked if I played football by a cousin who figured that my height would mean that I was some sports playing moron. Asking me anything sports related is pure folly, and the simplest way to anger me. It was our first meeting… so I managed to keep myself civil, responding that “sports are the way of the devil” which certainly did make him feel uncomfortable. It later came to my attention that his son had recently been awarded a full football scholarship to one of the Texas Universities. I’d try to care, but why bother?

The night was capped off with a majority of the Texans happily dancing to the electric slide. My final diagnosis on my Texan kin: They lack any sort of shame and enjoy sports, it really is a good thing that we are separated by half a country…

That's an assignment I'm turning into creative writing, it had to be a true short story...
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